You Lied
by tmsraiders13
Summary: “Sirius, do you think this will last?” Harry didn’t know what he was asking, or even why he had done it. “You mean forever “Yeah, I guess”. “Nothing last forever, love”. SBHP


**_You Lied_**

It was hard to let go, and even harder to come to the fact that this was real. It was real, and no matter how much he tried to get it out of his mind, it was still there. He was gone.

_**Dead.**_

"_Come one Sirius, what can possibly happen?" Harry smirked. Sirius glared at him, and with his voice laced with sarcasm, he tells Harry what could possibly happen. _

"_We could get caught". _

_Harry trailed a finger down Sirius' chest. _

"_Would that be so bad?" Harry asks. Sirius looks at him, love shining in his eyes. _

_No. _

_The word never leaves his mouth. _

"Boy. Breakfast." His Uncle seemed that it would be best to communicate as little as possible with his nephew. So monosyllabic words or in his case commands, were uttered to him. It wasn't that he minded, and he knew that he didn't. Harry sighed heavily and trudged down the stairs. His throat was burning, and it was getting harder and harder not to let out the tears that had been threatening to slip from the corner of his eyes.

Harry clambered around the kitchen, looking for various pots and pans. Harry took out the eggs, the steak, the jam, and the bread. He cracked the eggs over the side of the pan, and turned the oven on. He threw the steaks in the pan and put the bread in the toaster.

"_What are you doing, Harry?" Sirius asked his godson. Harry looked away from the oven and sauntered over to his godfather. Harry's tongue darted over his lips. _

"_I'm cooking Sirius", Harry replied. His arms came to rest around his lover's shoulders. Sirius grabbed his waist, pulling him closer. _

"_I didn't ask you to cook for me. I am quite capable of doing it myself". _

"_Yes, you are also quite capable of burning everything you cook to crisp", Harry shot back at him, a teasing smile played on his lips. Sirius growled and shoved Harry against the counter. He attacked his lips with passion. Harry moaned, and hands running upwards to Sirius' hair. Sirius was trailing kisses down Harry's neck. _

"_I need to check on the—oh god—on the bacon" Harry rasped. _

"_You need to shut up before I turn you around and fuck you against this counter", Sirius growled. Harry pushed him away, not before shooting him a seductive smile, and went back to the bacon. _

_Sirius let out a snarl; he flicked the oven off, and hauled Harry up the bedroom._

"_Bloody tease, you're going to get it". _

_Breakfast was going to have to wait. _

Harry jerks back to what is the actual reality, only to find that he needs to wipe his face free of the tears that have trickled out of the side of his eyes. Harry cuts off the eggs, flips over the steak, and smears the toast with strawberry jam. Harry gets it all on separate plates, and presents it to his sneering relatives. He forgot to cook for himself again. Oh well, he didn't want to eat anyway. He once thought of killing himself. Just ending it all, it would be painless, just a whispered killing curse, with his wand pointed to his head. He had dismissed the idea as quickly as it came, he couldn't die just yet.

"_Sirius, do you think this will last?" Harry didn't know what he was asking, or even why he had done it. _

"_You mean forever?" _

"_Yeah, I guess". _

"_Nothing lasts forever, love". _

_His words had been bitter, uttered with fierce contemplation. He seemed to be thinking of things that he should be forgetting. _

"_You were in love with my father". Harry didn't know when or how he had come up with this. It hadn't been a question it had been a statement. But the sharp intake of Sirius' breath more then confirmed Harry's spoken statement. Sirius trailed his hand over Harry's cheek, his eyes glazed over. _

"_I'm not my father Sirius". _

"_I know you aren't, and I sometimes find myself forgetting that James is dead, and that you aren't him. I know I must let him go, I know he's dead."_

"_Yes, he's gone". _

_Sirius squeezed his hand, and looked at him. Tenderness and love filled his gaze. _

"_James, is never gone, Harry._

"_He's never gone". Sirius seemed to make a mantra of repeating that his father was never gone. It hurt Harry to some extent to know that when Sirius looked at him, he sometimes saw his father. He'd never fill his father's shoes, he couldn't be James Potter, but if it would keep Sirius happy, he would do it. _

_He could do it couldn't he?_

Harry had found that his godfather had been hopelessly in love with his father. James Potter was what he had wanted, and if it had been that his father had not died, Sirius would have chosen James over Harry. Harry knew this, because he had asked. He had told Sirius to tell him the truth.

"_Sirius, can I ask you something?"_

_Sirius looked at him, his eyebrow raised. He was beautiful, but the years in Azkaban had taken its toll on him._

"_Sure, what is it?"_

"_If my father were still alive who—who would you have picked?" Harry needed to know. _

"_And please, tell me the truth". _

_Sirius sat there, and he pushed Harry away from him. His mouth was hanging open. _

"_I-I would have picked you…"_

_He had hesitated to long. _

"_Don't lie to me, Sirius. I'm to smart to know that wasn't your true answer", Harry snaps at him. _

"_Why does it matter, and I don't think you need to push the subject. Yes, Harry I loved your father, and I still do, but why does it matter to you? It doesn't matter at all to me, so it shouldn't to you", Sirius seems to be filled with indignant anger. _

"_It does matter to me! I have to know. I have to know that when you see me, you don't see my father. I have to know that you aren't with me, because I look like my father. I need to know" Harry was going ballistic. _

"_You would have picked my father, wouldn't you?"_

_Sirius didn't answer him, but the answer was in his eyes. Sirius shook his head, and walked away. _

Harry stared at the wall, but he never saw it. His gaze landed on the two-way mirror that had connected him to Sirius. It didn't work anymore it never worked. No matter how long he spent sitting on his bed calling for Sirius he never answered. He flung it across the room; the mirror hit the wall and shattered into jagged pieces of glass. The glass some what reminded him of his heart.

"Boy. Downstairs. The freaks are here. Pack your things to". Harry's uncle said through the door. Harry piled his things in his trunk, his gaze landed on the mirror, and her could help but let a dry sob escape his throat. Harry stood at the stairs, his eyes landed on Remus, and he motioned for Remus to come with him.

Remus looked worse for wear. His eyes were glowing an eerie amber color, and his robes seemed to hang off his shoulders more then they usually did. He had bags under his eyes, and his shoulders were slumped down in what looked like defeat. Harry took his hand and pulled him to his room. Harry dropped to the ground in from of the mirror, and looked at Remus. Harry was breaking down, and Remus could tell.

"I d-didn't mean to throw it. I was just s-so mad. Can you fix it, p-please?" Harry's bottom lip was trembling as he struggled to not cry.

"_Reparo"_

"There you are, Harry. It's fixed". Remus' voice was soft and he seemed to be speaking quietly. Harry stood clutching the mirror to his chest, he then followed Remus outside, where they portkeyed to Grimmwauld Place. Harry looked around, and bolted up the stairs into the room that he and Ron were sharing.

Harry buried his head in his pillow. He didn't think he could last much longer, living off of memories that he and Sirius had made, and yet no one else did.

"_Harry…I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to you, but no matter what, I'll love you. I don't see you as some reincarnation of James. You're just…you" Sirius was standing there, looking so lost, and afraid. _

_He was afraid that Harry would reject him. _

"_I know Sirius. It wasn't right of me to ask you those things". _

"_You had every right". _

"_I-I love you, Sirius". _

"_I know you do, and I love you to. I'll always be here, Harry, always", Sirius promised. _

"_You can't always be here Sirius", Harry said grimly. _

"_I'll **always** be there"._

_Sirius lifted Harry's chin gently, his lips descending softly on his. Harry couldn't help but smile against Sirius' lips. Sirius nibbled on Harry's bottom lip, his tongue coming out to run across his top lip. He pulled away, and pressed another kiss to Harry's forehead. _

"_Sleep well, Green Eyes". _

'You lied to me, Sirius', Harry thought. His eyes squeezing shut, as he felt hot tears well up in his eyes. He wouldn't cry over Sirius Black, no matter how much this was hurting him

"He isn't gone," Harry whispered to himself.

"HE ISN"T GONE!" Harry finally screeched, giving up at trying to keep himself from losing it completely. Harry couldn't help but let anger well up in him, as he began to throw things.

"I hate you, you bastard"

"You fucking lied to me". He threw a book.

"Arsehole". Harry punched the wall.

"I HATE YOU!"

All the windows in the house exploded, Mrs. Black's screeching was heard down in the hall. Harry barely heard her, as he ripped through the room trashing everything in his sight.

"I loved you, and this is what I get?"

A door burst open and Harry merely continued damning Sirius all to hell.

"I'll always be there, Harry. I love you, Harry. Well, where the fuck are you now, Sirius! You sure as hell aren't here, like you promised", Harry was in the process of trying to rip his pillow to shreds, throwing the feathers around the room.

"Harry, Harry calm down!" Remus darted across the room, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist to keep him away from the bookcase. Right now the only thing running through Harry's mind was how much he wanted to raid the Alcohol and get shit faced. Hoping that maybe he wouldn't wake up.

"Please, Harry calm down".

Harry sagged against Remus, just sagging. He wouldn't look anywhere but at the wall, lost in his own thoughts. Remus seemed to realize something because; his eyes took on an even weirder glow. He had heard Harry's words when he had run through the door.

_I'll always be there, Harry. I love you, Harry. Well, where the fuck are you now, Sirius? You sure as hell aren't here, like you promised._

Harry sat there in his lap, not talking to him. Just staring at the wall, as if it hid some answer to all his questions. He would be that way for several minutes. Nothing could snap him out of it. In the mean time, Remus thought, and it all was coming to him. The knowing glances passed between Sirius and Harry, when they thought no one was looking, the various bruises around his wrists.

The sudden disappearances, the fights they got into and wouldn't speak to each other for days. It all fit and now that he knew about it, it was so obvious. He should have seen it from the beginning.

_My God Sirius, what have you done?_

While Remus did not condone the relationship, he didn't condemn it. They both had needed each other, and both had so much in common.

"Harry, I know about you and Sir-"

"Don't Remus, there isn't anything people can say that won't stop my hatred for him".

"You don't hate him, Harry. You love him, and he loved you".

Harry's lips formed a cold smile. He scooted away from Remus, turning around to look at him. His face taking on an odd mask.

"No, Remus—that's not why he was with me", Harry said.

"Then why was he with you? Sirius doesn't waste time with people, that he doesn't have a reason to be with".

"Think about it Remus. He loved my father".

Remus couldn't say anything to that, because he knew it was true. Sirius had loved James, more then he had let other people know about. They had dated a few months in his fifth year. James had broke up with him, setting his sights on Lily Evans. Sirius had nearly killed himself.

"I-I—Harry, he loved you more then you could ever know".

"Perhaps he did, and perhaps not, but now I shall never know", Harry whispered.

"_Harry, maybe we shouldn't be doing this". _

_Harry's mouth dropped open, and he felt his heart go crazy in his chest. _

"_Wh-what?" Harry stuttered. _

"_Harry, we're in a war, and I'm on the run, what if something happens? You're to young to have a dead lover," Sirius reasoned with him. _

"_I think I am old enough to know what I want, and what I want…what makes me happy is being wrapped in your arms, simply knowing that you're here with me as long as you can be" _

_I'll **always** be there._

_You're too young to have a dead lover._

Harry was falling hard…hard into the despair that only Sirius could take him out of. But he knew; as did Remus, what he couldn't truly hate Sirius. He wasn't able to; he didn't know how to hate the one true good thing that had ever happened in his life. He loved Sirius, and Sirius was right, he was to young to have a dead lover. Look at what it was going to him.

But Sirius had lied to him. He had promised he would always be there.

"He'll always be with you, Harry. It may not be in person, be he'll always be there in soul, in your heart, Harry. Always in your heart", Remus had told him.

Harry still couldn't shake off the feeling. He was filled with rage, because Sirius had lied to him.

"You lied" Harry murmured.

_I love you, Sirius…_


End file.
